Truth (part 2)

22 years had passed since Vishnu had first seen the brilliant planets on the white curtain of the projector. he did not remember what his reaction to their sight had been. he liked to think he had been fascinated. he liked to believe that it was the kind of fascination he felt these days, trying to design a telescope that could penetrate into the planets' atmospheric veils and convey information many times that which was presently supplied by terrestrial ones.

the phone rang. vishnu got up slowly, a bit frustrated. he had been struggling all day to get some work done, but something or the other had popped up, demanding his attention and diverting his mind.

' where have you been all day?' came Ahmed's voice from the other end.
' nowhere, i took the day off to work on my telescope. it's so hard to focus on things at office, you'd think a scientist would be allowed to work on what he wanted to research and follow. but even here, in my lab, i can't get anything done. something or the other just pops up out of nowhere.'
'maybe you should get a wife', replied Ahmed, mischief frolicking in his tone.
'ha! right! you mean husband?' jeered Vishnu.
'haha, depends on what role you choose to perform!'
'shut it, moron! tell me, what's up?'
'i heard you were working on that telescope, so i got my boss to get me an assignment in Delhi. the dart hit the bulls-eye! i'm coming to the NPL!'
'what! that's awesome Ahmed!'
'I know! Miriam is coming too!'
'Great! come and stay at my place! it's close to the lab, and you don't have to worry about space, i have a guest bedroom. Bono will be so happy to meet you people!'
'great! let's do that. mail me your address, we'll make for it as soon as i get my letter.'

they put the phones down after saying affectionate goodbyes. Talking to Ahmed had always been a good release of stress for Vishnu. He had been the first to know when Vishnu came out as gay. and Ahmed had been all sporty about it. no awkwardness, unlike with the rest of his friends. the episode had brought the best friends even closer.

he made himself a cup of coffee, and went out into the balcony. the switched off the lights, lay down on the mattress and stared with longing and adoration at the sky. the stars gently came into view as his eyes dilated to adjust to the darkness. he could identify so many more constellations and stars than when the babu had first visited their village, now that he had studied astrophysics and got himself a job in the most prestigious research institution in the nation. his fascination with the stars had grown with time. every new thing he learnt about them, their mass and spectrum, their distance, their deaths, it all made him ecstatic. he longed to know more. he was like a thirsty man, weary of treading the desert, who had come across the most beautiful fountain of the clearest, coolest and most delicious water. he wanted to drink more and more, and never stop.

it felt like his mind had been switched off. Bono came, licked his palm and placed her snout on it. Vishnu gave an affectionate pat on her nuzzle, and she laid down beside him, looking in the direction of the lights from the market. Vishnu ran the back of his hand on her fur for a while, then stopped, his hand resting on her head.

it was evenings like this when he felt most pleased with life. having Bono for company had livened him up. he had been heartbroken, devastated by the demise of his mother one winter morning, 3 years ago. his mother had been his world. and losing her felt like being damned to a life of no warmth. he had wailed every night for months. he had wished he could have taken her to Rameswaram, like she was always asking him. he wished he had done it for her mother, and not let his ego clash with what he now guiltily considered a duty he had towards her. he wished he could have gathered his strength at the right time and told her about how he did not like girls, but boys instead. he wished he hadn't assumed that the response would be of harsh denouncement or painful parting. he prayed he could find her once more, in whatever state one achieved after death, and tell her all he wanted to tell her, to say all that had been left unsaid. but he was confronted by another voice in his head. whom was he praying to? there WAS NO GOD! he had studied science, he had to keep his temper scientific, he had to keep himself rational. he was a scientist! he bowed to nothing and no-one, except to mighty Science! how could an all-powerful deity allow his mother to die all so suddenly? how could an all powerful deity allow him to suffer so in loneliness?

His friend Ruchi had saw his troubled state of mind. she had brought him a Labrador pup on his next birthday. she had known Vishnu would like it. and he had taken an instant liking to it. he had spent his 27th birthday fussing and fretting over the little puppy's needs. the puppy filled the hole in his heart, and he no longer cried, or spent his days brooding over the existence of the divine.

but today! even with Bono right next to him, he felt lonely. why? Bono had been all the company he had ever asked of life. she understood him, and didn't mind what he felt about women or about God! today, he longed for someone who minded about what he felt. the stars, whose sight made him feel humble and insignificant, looked as if they were illuminating his loneliness. he struggled with his mind. he struggled with his emotions, after three years! he had tried dating, both with men and women. and no one seemed to fit in the jigsaw of his life.

'maybe i must build my jigsaw about that person! maybe that's what has kept me from finding the person for me! am i being too narrow in my approach? am i being realistic in what i ask of my partner?'

he stopped his train of thought violently.

'NO! i will NOT compromise! i will not settle for less than what i deserve!'

but everyone his age had been married, some of them now had kids. Ahmed was married, wasn't he? how did he find someone for himself, but not Vishnu?

he interjected himself again. Ahmed had had an arranged marriage. but nevertheless, his thoughts continued, Ahmed had settled down. it had been 5 years of his marriage, and Miriam was a fine lady.

he came out of his anguished thoughts as Bono wagged her tail, patting Vishnu's leg. the scent of jasmine had crept through the air, and it seemed to envelop him. he woke up from his trance. his coffee had turned cold. his hunger slowly came at him, and he realised it was already 10 pm. there was no time to cook anything. the maid had probably fed Bono, for she was asleep, snoring lightly. he dialed for pizza, which came in early, because they lived so close to the market. he settled down to yet another solitary dinner by the TV, and when Bono arrived, having smelled the pizza, he gave her a slice, which she chewed with interest, while he looked on at her with affection.

Truth (part 1)

The moon was high up in the sky. The fields carried a whitish blue colour that got disrupted momentarily with each passing car on the highway. The scent of jasmine from the nearby nursery filled the air. The ground was soft, the fields having recently been ploughed after the last crop. Up in the sky, Orion posed with his sword, while Draco peeped over the horizon.

Vishnu and Ahmed looked up into the sky. Masterji had invited some Babu from Dilli two days ago, and he had been showing them pictures of stars and galaxies over the 'safed parda'. He told them about constellations, nebulae and the sun. The two lads had been the only attentive ones. While the class chewed pencils and stared at the pictures with half a mind, the two best friends sat in the front, their minds pounding with questions.

The mosquitoes did not bother them. Lying on the ground covered with a large bed sheet serving as a quilt, they looked up at the moon, and then stared at random stars that seemed to vie for attention. Ahmed tried to strain his eyes on Orion’s belt.

'Why can't I see it?’ Ahmed's voice was soft, but troubled.

'Maybe we need special eyes. Like that Babu', Vishnu said with conviction.

'Why did the Babu get special eyes? Do you think we can get them too?'

'I don't know. Ask your brother, Na? He works in the city too, he must know.'

Farooq didn't know the answer too. The boys went to Ahmed's house in the morning, and put the question to his elder brother as they got ready for school. Hina, Farooq's wife, overheard them, and handing them their slates, she asked them why they had put the question.

'There is a Babu from the city bhabhi. He says that stars are also suns, and they are very very big', Vishnu jumped with the usual energy of an eight year old.

'But we cannot see them. Can the city people see them, bhai-jaan?' Ahmed's innocent question came.

'I don't know chote! I just said that! Let me eat!' Farooq was suddenly bursting with rage.

'The boys are just asking...' Hina replied timidly.

Farooq shot a venomous look at the woman. The boys took the hint, and quietly left the kitchen, starting on the village route to the temple, where the Purohit's son, the only person in the village with a degree taught them Hindi, Math and the English alphabet.

'Don't be angry Vishnu, you know bhai-jaan doesn't usually talk like that.'

'I’m not angry. Baba also gets angry at time. But he loves me too.'

The temple's backyard was a silent place with a heavy canopy of trees. A Dari lay on the bare ground. The blackboard hung on the perimeter wall. The Babu sat on a chair, his projector set in front of the board, his laptop asleep in the bag that hung on the back of his chair. Children scuttled in. the slideshow began. Vishnu and Ahmed stared in wonder as usual. Masterji looked at them with appreciation.

'...and so when this red giant loses enough weight...'

'Babuji! Why can't we see the stars?' Vishnu spoke suddenly.

Masterji's expression hardened. 'Don't speak in middle like that Vishnu!'

'It’s alright. Beta, they are very far away, so they look very small. If we go near them, we will be able to see them.'

'How do we go near them, babuji?' Ahmed looked at the Babu with hunger.

'We cannot. They are very far away.'

'Then how do we know about these?' someone from the back shot.

'We use big machines bete'

Can you show us one machine Babu?' Vishnu chimed innocently.

Everybody's attention was back to the class in an instant.

'Zaroor! I’ll show you one tomorrow.'

Lying in the fields that evening, the boys couldn't catch a moment's sleep.

'What do you think Vishnu? How will the machine look like?'

'Maybe like a tractor. You must need a very big machine, if the stars are so big in reality.'

'I hope the stars are not too big. I hope they fit inside the temple courtyard.'

'Hmm. Hey, Ahmed! Let’s call your bhabhi and my amma so they can see the stars from close too!'

'Excellent idea! Tomorrow, you call your amma! And I’ll call my bhabhi too!'

The boys ran to their homes next morning. Both of them got ready as quick as possible, got their slates and ran off to the temple, remembering to shout to their families to be there too, for the stars were going to come down. The Babu was bringing the stars down for all to see!

The children were more enthusiastic today. The Babu had put up a tripod stand with a spherical ball, upon which a tube lay perched. A bundle of wires dropped from the sphere and went into the laptop, which was connected to the projector. Masterji was concluding the morning puja in the temple, and the children knew he was about to be there, for the aarti had just finished.

Masterji arrived, followed by Sukhi, Vishnu's mother, carrying her puja platter with two sticks of incense burning, and two sitting in the thali, next to the matchbox and rice grains.

'Sukhi didi said she wanted to see the stars too', explained masterji to the curious smile of the Babu.

'Very good. Aaiye Behenji.'

'Me too masterji!' Hina called, entering from the back gate of the courtyard.

'Namaste Behan', Sukhi said warmly to Hina.

Hina reciprocated. Both stood behind the children, looking with awe at the peculiar tube.

'Children! This is the machine I was talking about! This is called a telescope. It can show us the planets, stars and nebulae.'

He poked a few keys on his keyboard, and the projector came alive. The thick canopy of trees provided ample shade to the screen, and a sky map with labeled constellations, nebulae and planet markings burst on a background of blackish blue.

'What will you see first?' the Babu asked with the air of a bear-tamer to a fete's crowd.

The children were blank. Ahmed and Vishnu hadn't thought about it too.

'Alright! Let’s start with Mars!' the Babu said, his air only mildly deflated at the lack of response.

He hit some keys, and the tube gracefully swung slowly, the children going 'aah!'

The picture on the projector moved, centering on a red dot. The dot grew bigger and bigger as the Babu hit the scroll-up key.

Mars stood in the picture, big as a lemon, then as coconut, and then taking up all the space the projector's width allowed.

The children weren't impressed. The circle of red, with black strips below the centre didn’t look very beautiful to them.

'Well, I could see it was red, in the sky when we used to sleep on the terrace back when I was a child', Sukhi murmured to Hina.

The Babu was disappointed. 'See? This is mars! It is red in colour, and it used to have water many years ago.'

The children merely looked on. He showed them Jupiter, but the response wasn't very good.

'Ok! Let’s see Saturn then!' said the Babu,' I’ll show you the beautiful rings it has.

The telescope swerved again, and Saturn came into view with its rings.

The children were impressed, and the Babu felt satisfied, like a man dying of thirst finding him on the edge of a river.

Excited chatter sprang. Sukhi jumped forward, rubbed kohl from her eyes to her ring finger and planted a dark spot on Vishnu's temple.

The Babu laughed. Sukhi looked at him contemptuously as she shuffled back to her spot.

'Saturn has an evil eye you know!' she whispered to herself.

'Babuji! Who put the rings on Saturn?' Ahmed asked.

'The rings are made of ice and dust beta. The ice and dust circle Saturn like the moon circles the earth. But as it is so small and far away, it looks like a rig to us.' the Babu was glad he had avoided another clash with people's superstitions.

'But rings are so small babuji! It is so big. Shouldn’t it be called a garland?' Vishnu looked up.

'Yes, you can call it whatever you like. The rings are not really rings. We just compare them with rings. You can compare it with garlands too.' Masterji spoke.

'Babuji! Can we use this tube to look at God too?' someone from behind shot.

The class was silent. Their attention seemed to charge the air.

'No! God doesn't exist.'

The words were thunder to the audience. Sukhi and Hina's faces burned with rage. Masterji was astounded.

No one spoke for a while. The class whispered among themselves like a beehive.

'Class over! Go on children, you may go home now', Masterji thought it was best to get out of the situation as fast as possible.